I wasn't raised by Mama Tara...

I wasn't raised by Mama Tara and laid upon her breast like her children who were born to her...
I wasn't raised by a child of Mama Tara who was brought over for visits and made fond memories with...
I wasn't raised by Mama Tara because she saved me from a Mama who couldn't feed me, didn't want me or because my Mama died...

But I was able to witness who was- how wonderful, amazing and a blessing it was to be raised by Mama Tara.
She helped freely, she loved openly and she taught what it looks like to walk in Jesus' footsteps everyday.
I wasn't raised by Mama Tara or built many memories with her.

But I was welcomed by her with open arms, I was shown her golden heart as she sat outside with her children. I was inspired to follow in Jesus' footsteps as she did everyday. I pray I continue to grow into a woman like Mama Tara. To help without a second thought, to share my faith carefree and to love as Jesus loved.

I wasn't raised by Mama Tara but in the few months I knew her I never saw her without her bible. The children never ate a meal without praying first. Everyone of her children have a bible, they go to church every Sunday and they are read to every night from the bible. Mama Tara was the kind of Christian we dream of being, the kind of Christian I learn so much from just by being in her presents and listening to her talk about how God has done so much for her, her home and for her children. I am thankful I got a chance to meet and spend some time with such an amazing Christian woman.

Almost 2 weeks ago..

Today was the day after Mama Tara died- Laura, Arlee and I went to Mama Tara's to see if there was anything we could do and to spend time with the children. During the morning we spend time with the children and meeting Mama Tara's family, then we started helping prepare the meal. They kill a cow for lunch and have rice and yuka-so Laura did the meat preparing and I picked through rice. Laura came over when she was done and said I am coming back for the night to stay up all night with them. Earlier I was asked by a 16 year old, China if I was staying all night and I said I didn't think so but since Laura was so was I. When the food was done they made all the plates and I started pouring the drinks with Arlee and soon everyone was served and it was our turn to be served. I was nervous but didn't want to be rude so I ate lunch there and everyone who was serving sat down for the first time all day. It was getting late so we got in the car and came back to town and rested, ate dinner and packed a bag. I packed my bible, toilet paper, pepper spray, bug spray, snacks, water and my ipod. Laura and I hop in the car and off we went, we pull up and there's people everywhere. Laura sat with Linda and this other lady from the States so I put my bag with hers. And I went off to find China and some other teenagers-we listened to music, watched movies and they cried...I hugged. They made coffee and it smelled so good but looked so nasty. I love how everything is cooked over the fire pit, I love watching them do all the cooking stuff and being in the outside kitchen. Another cow was killed for the meal at midnight. The women were cooking rice again with yuka-I don't care for yuka. The workers started digging the hole in the yard, the preachers started to preach and the women started to cry out again. So I did what I do best hold a child, scratch a back and just watch. Trevor a 9 year old boy was on my lap, China was on one side of me and Wonky Tonky was on the other- at the main service which was at 9:30. Trevor looked up at me and said Mama Tara solomente dormendo(sorry I can barely say it so I know my spelling is off but I understand it) I started to explain to him that she wasn't only sleeping and when I looked down he was asleep. Then China was passed out and then Wonky Tonky. I was sitting on a counter top with my feet up on the arm of a pew and China on my legs and Wonky on my thigh it was so uncomfortable but I loved every minute of it. Mama Tara loved to watch the kids pile on me so I thought since she was in the room with us I'd make her heart smile again. I still had not gone up to the casket and I decided not to. Anyway finally midnight rolled around and we ate, the men kept digging and the preachers and women continued but her family who had been up the night before started to go to sleep. But they knew that Laura, Linda and me were not going to sleep... that's the thing with the staying up all night to stay with the body until they are buried. I went and watched the guys dig for a while and China came with me after she woke up and ate. The guys were doing shots of Platinum and smoking when it wasn't their turn to dig. China and I started talking-we talked about smoking, drinking and guys. Talked about babies and why I don't have one and why I am so old, she asked about Charlie if he was really mine because he pus his face in my chest like I am his mother she says. I said babies love to be close that's all, I had almost forgotten she met him and her question caught me off guard. We got bored so we came in and started to watch a movie but then I got bored and went and checked on Laura. She was sitting alone in the sala listening to the preacher and the singing. So I sat with her with my ipod on and she rested on my shoulder for a bit and then the sun came up. We made it through the night with Mama Tara. Laura and I hop in the car and we came home, I tried resting but couldn't and then we had to get back up for the funeral. I guess it's one of those situations you have to be there to understand but it just hit my heart so hard how much these children loved Mama Tara. Her kids, the kids she took in and the people she helped over the years. I pray one day I can be more like her and help so freely, love so openly and be carefree when I get old because I'll have loved ones around me.

At the Catholic church the service was nice and I felt comfortable in the church but I still don't know what's going on :( after the service we got in Laura's car and followed the parade of cars to Mama Tara's. Then the crying started again, her daughter Impara started- her love for her mom just made me cry. Then Impara's 12 years old daughter started crying out grandmother in Spanish and asking God why and it was heart breaking. Then after a couple hours of cooking in my pants in the sun they put her in the ground and Impara threw her body towards the casket and her husband and son had to catch her. Then it started to hit all the grandkids and the Mama Tara children that she was really gone and they all started to cry. It was horrible, Trevor came running into my arms because he realized she wasn't sleeping. They were all crying and I couldn't hold them all so I had as many as my body could touch. We stood there and cried as they poured cement over the wood and tarp they had put over her casket. I didn't know her long enough to cry for her being missed in my heart, I cried because the children lost their Mama and they were heart broken.