Serious PTA meeting

I joined the concerned parents of Lake Silver Elementary, the Principle, the superintendent and the

Title 1 representative at the last PTA meeting of the year. I teach preschool in this neighborhood and

babysit for pretty much everyone in College Park so I knew everyone there. Everyone was surprised

to see me but I was surprised to hear what they were saying. I don't know if it was because I am

currently applying to volunteer at the boys and girls club on that side of town that the children they

are talking about live in or because I was a lot like the children they were speaking about. It was hard

for me to sit there and here what they were concerned about because I love their children but it was

equally hard to listen to the words those children, our children what does Title 1 mean for us? Well

your property value does not go down, the middle school in your neighborhood already is a Title 1

school and those children need to go to school too. I found myself sitting there with mixed emotions

as the parents, teacher, principle, superintendent and Title 1 representative were all speaking to get

their point across, voice heard and I was sad, wanting to help and I didn't know how. Until the end of

the meeting when one of the teachers spoke up and spoke about the buddy program they have their.

You volunteer at the school by spending time with a buddy at the school who is high risk and a light

turned on I can do that! A couple hours a week, check up on them and show them you care I thought

it was a perfect idea! So I will be signing up next school year to have a buddy at Lake Silver

Elementary.

It's a new year and I am back in Honduras!

This past year has been full of great times with the kids, fellowship with the other missionaries, eye opening experiences and lesson only God could have shown me here. 

In the last year and half I have gained the trust of over 100 children between Mama Tara's Orphanage, House of Hope and Morgan's feeding. We have had a lot of fun together-swimming, dancing, talking but in the beginning mainly sharing the common love language down here. Touch, the children crave to be touched-hugged, kissed, hold hands and sit on your lap but what they don't know is it's a perfect opportunity for me to pray for them. To open their hearts to the message I have come here to share with them. Because I wont be here forever to show them love but Jesus can forever live in their hearts and they can feel His love. After I gained their attention with all the fun things then they were ready to listen, after experiencing my love they were ready to understand His love. Because I could not do what I am doing, love as many as I love and understand all the pain here without Him. 

I dont know how this would be going here without the other missionaries or support-we cry together, pray for each other and are just there for each other whenever one is in need. I am so glad I grew up in the youth group so I knew how to be apart of this group as well. We share the word, we have worship together and talk about our highs and lows to know what each of us needs prayer for or for giving Praise. Some of the missionaries who have been in the field a long time have grown accustom to doing life here on their own. They've grown thick skin because they've seen a lot and don't cry for almost anything anymore. I pray for them frequently not only for their ministry but so I don't grow into a missionary who doesn't cry when I hear about an 11 year girl who is pregnant by her grandfather. I pray I never get so comfortable in this world that I expect help from a drug dealer, to whip a child with a cord because it's what they are use to for punishment nor do I want to be able to say I understand why children are abused because of poverty. I never want to not shed tears because I have seen so many babies die from malnourishment, I never will turn a hungry child away because all I have left is my own food and I wont get so wrapped up in this world that if my things get stolen I will grow cold to God's people here. I will except that I cant fix everyone, I cant heal anyone but I can show them God's love and pray they seek it for themselves. I have learned God breaks my heart for these people so I turn to him because only He can heal it. Only he can give me the hope, strength and love I need to endure the pain and sin that surrounds me.

I have loved so openly, freely and unconditionally here and its the most rewarding feeling ever. I have never been so heart broken, full of sorrow and empty as I have while here. I have never been so loved, truly happy and blessed as I have in the past year and half. My time here has been nothing but an amazing gift from God, a answered prayer I would even go as far as to say a miracle. I have been sick more than any person from the States who has lived here-even the ones who have been here over 12 years. I have had to leave to San Pedro Sula to have a camera down my throat, many blood test and a lot of pills yet I keep coming back here. God has shown me his words to be more true than I have ever realized...."I will not give you more than you can handle". He has turned me into a strong Christian women that I might not have realized in the States I could be.

And for all this I am thankful, I am in awe of His power and I am in love with His grace. I also am thankful to all of y'all for your belief in me, your continues support and prayer. I pray that you are able to support me in 2014 while I am here in Puerto Lempira in the mission field at House of Hope. Thank you for taking the time to read this, I know you all are very busy and it means a lot to me.

Exciting news!!!

Dear Friends and Family,

Thank you all so much for sponsoring me and making it possible for me to continue in this work that allows me to share the gospel through the tasks I do daily with children who so badly need to know that someone loves them.

I have been working in the mission fields of Honduras since I was almost seventeen years old.  I have thoroughly enjoyed it and been blessed in doing it.  In June 2012 I began my mission work with Reach Out Orphanage Ministries (ROOM) by serving at Mama Tara’s Orphanage in Puerto Lempira.  Mama Tara’s is filled with lots of loving, amazing children that work hard every day to not only survive, but also educate themselves.  I volunteered at this great orphanage for several months.  When another volunteer arrived at Mama Tara’s Orphanage I began working at House of Hope, a nearby orphanage providing rehabilitation, evangelization and education of handicapped and malnourished children in the indigenous region known here as La Moskitia.

My time spent at Mama Tara’s will always be remembered with fondness in my heart.  After working more and more with the children at House of Hope, ROOM and I believe the best fit for me to serve our Lord and His children is to switch my sponsorship from Reach Out Orphanage Ministries (ROOM) to Send Hope (the parent organization of House of Hope).  This change will take place on December 10^th, 2013.

I am extremely excited to become a full-time missionary with Send Hope!  Send Hope, the founding organization of House of Hope, primarily serves handicapped and malnourished children.  The director, Katrina Engle, has been a missionary for twenty-three years and I believe I can learn a great deal from her and her amazing family.  Send Hope has invited me to work as a full-time volunteer at House of Hope indefinitely.

Again, I am thankful for your past support and I am hopeful you will continue to sponsor my missionary work through Send Hope.  Send Hope has a different process of tracking donations than ROOM, so I will be able to send regular thank you letters and express my appreciation for all you do to support my work.  I apologize that I was not able to do this through ROOM.  For more information on Send Hope you can visit their website:www.send-hope.org.

As of December 10^th I will no longer receive support through ROOM.  I ask that you begin sending your support for my work to Send Hope.  Their mailing address is:  

Send Hope

720 E. Main St., Ste B., 

Allen, TX 75002

House of Hope is a 501(c)3 nonprofit organization.  All donations are tax-deductible.  Please be sure to write “Courtney Knewasser” in the memo field of your check so your support goes towards my work and not Send Hope’s general fund account.

If you have any questions feel free to send me an email at courtneymission@gmail.com, or send me a facebook message.

Love,

Courtney Knewasser

Pedro

         I know it's been a while since I've written-I was in the States for 6 weeks but now I am back and boy do I have a story to share! Pedro's story-Pedro is a boy who had cancer in his leg and needed it removed. House of hope paid for him to travel to San Pedro Sula for his surgery and now he is living here in House of Hope so he doesnt have to stop going to school. Also now that Pedro is missing a leg he cant do things for himself and his parents can't take care of him as well as House of hope can. After his surgery he went home and his parents couldnt even get him to the hospital to have his stitches removed. So this morning Pedro and I went to the hospital-they looked at hit nub and they said he needs lay down and you need to hold him. The stitches were suppose to be out 2 weeks ago so they were under skin in some places. He hops up on this mattress with no sheet and lays back and I hold his hands and arms more for support than pressure. There is no power in the hospital at the moment so they use a cell phone for light but they did have gloves, a new sterile kit and she wiped his leg with a alcohol wipe that's all that matters at the moment.

The first stitch wasnt bad it was where she could grab hold without going in his skin-we are all smiles. Second, third and forth a little wince but some movement so I had to put some pressure to hold him still.  Fifth, sixth and seventh there was a little blood she had to go deeper with the tweezers to get the stitch up. Tears start to flood Pedro's eyes down his cheek and mix with the sweat pouring from his face and more squeezing...promises were made for drinks and snacks. Eighth and ninth he lets out a little squeal that only we could hear and he quickly holds his breath so another one doesnt escape because you don't show pain here. Tenth was deep, she took a break for Pedro and her-the nurse spoke to Pedro in Miskito and then she went in and got it out. Eleventh and twelfth were easy and that beautiful smile was back on Pedro's face. He sat up and they wiped it again with alcohol and my hand got one more tight squeeze. He looked at me and I said ready? School is better than this isnt it? He said yes but my coke first please and everyone started to smile and laugh.

3 weeks later...

Pedro is doing amazing!! He is going everywhere with his handcart or on crutches and he also loves going swimming on Sundays with the group. We had some children making fun of him but we worked that out real quick. Pedro is getting more comfortable but still having pains where he has no leg so please be praying about that for him. Also if you are interested in helping please consider going to the Send Hope web page and donating because without Send Hope Pedro would not have been able to travel or get the surgery.

Now on to new about me as some of you already know I came back to Puerto Lempira for my second year and did not move to San Pedro Sula. I am living in House of Hope as a full-time volunteer. I have been posting tons of pictures of what we do here with the children and I hope you all have enjoyed them!!

My next update will be sooner :)

Life as I know it is about to change at least for a month and I am excited!!!

So for the past month and a half I have been serving my fellow missionaries here and I have never felt more rewarded. As most of you know I LOVE children and I LOVE God and so I put those tow together and I show all the children I come into contact with God's love. I try and model Jesus like behavior as much as I know how but don't get me wrong sometimes I am drained and just want to be alone. Wanting to be alone is a new feeling for me, I have never wanted time alone because I never found being alone enjoyable. But I am realizing being alone is God's favorite time to work on me, to show me his love and to restore me.

In my everyday routine I wake up at 5:30 and do my quiet time-I am a talker out loud to the Lord, sometimes I am listening to music and sometimes I am just reading so I don't feel alone.

I walk out my door to a beautiful boy Aaron who is just waiting to tell me something, ask me something and show me some kind of treasure he has found. Our taxi truck pulls up with 2 sets of twins who are smiling at me and just waiting till get to school and off the truck so they can tackle me with hugs, kisses and sometimes just talking me wrapping their arms and legs around me laughing.

I volunteer for another woman for is running the preschool and living at the Mama Tara's Orphanage and she is out there al the time. So she separated from the rest of us in town so she misses talking in english and hanging out so she is just waiting for me to interact with her.

From 8am till 3pm I am surrounded by beautiful and amazing children of all ages who just want my attention or love. One of my main jobs in the pre-school is the art center and I LOVE art...I love watching children create art. One of the most beautiful things in life for me is watching children do art for the first time. A child experiencing paint, scissors or glue with their little hands for the first time is a sight I hope to see for the rest of my life. The smile that grows on their little faces is a sight that stops time and reminds me of Jesus' LOVE. In that moment I am being blessed more than I could ever think I would be by little hands doing art.

I put my iPod on and I walk to House of hope and there I am again surrounded by beautiful and amazing children who just want some part of me. And then throw in a Charlie and it becomes a love fest!!

I finish my day most of my time at another missionaries home with their family-I love family, I love how a house is full, loud and always in motion...just the the 2 orphanages I go to.

But....

Today, today I went to bible study in the morning and then out to get a special treat with Aaron who had a wonderful morning. And then I didn't want to leave my house...I felt drained, I needed to be alone. At first I hated it but then I started to write, read and plan.

I am planning my month of June, in June I will be moving in House of hope for the month to volunteer. They don't have a volunteer me not having children can help out. And with my friend Samantha coming she can help and have an amazing experience living in a orphanage. In June we will be helping with groups, waking up and putting children to bed, watching babies and serving wherever we are needed. It is about to be a crazy and busy month but FUN and I am excited so the way I see today was important for me to take the opportunity to be alone because starting June 1st I might not get another one!!!

R.O.O.M has a new address!!

The Preschool starting back up after a 3 week break, babysitting for my fellow missionary again for a week and getting another horrible parasite. It has been a crazy month since I've written and will be posting a new blog this weekend but I wanted to update R.O.O.M's address for all of you.

PO BOX 5882
Concord NC 28027

Thank you for continuing to support me in my mission to love God's children!!

For the past 10 days I've had the chance to walk in the shoes of another missionary while she is in the States. She is a single mother to 3 children she is in the middle of adopting and has a feeding program twice a week for 50 children. Also she tries to help anyone who knocks on her door and sometimes it seems like there is someone always knocking. Between 3 children all under 4 years old and a stranger always asking for something I don't know how she does it-always has a smile and always willing to bake you something when you come over for a visit. All I can think is God gives single mother's especially on the mission field a little more patience, a little more Grace and a lot more love to share. I am not ready to be a mother at all is what this experience is showing me especially not in a 3rd world country...

So far I have given away her infant to another missionary woman who is older and misses having children around her home. I am learning to except help and take this as a blessing that this woman is willing and able and its ok if someone else can do it when you aren't able.

All the of us have contacted scabies from somewhere-cream was put on. Clothes, sheets and towels were washed. And we were worried about me bringing lice into her home, who would have guessed her children would be giving me scabies instead.

But I must say the thing that makes me know that this young single mom is truly blessed by God is she never complains and if I was being woken up by a toddler who has managed to get poop all over himself and his pack n play at 5am I would be complaining, actually I did complain. lol But the that toddler says your name and giggles and smiles so big you forget all about having to clean the mess up.

And the thing that has blessed me the most is having the opportunity to do her ministry while she is gone. Her ministry has about 50 children in it and they are all sponsored by someone in the States for the feeding program, birthday and Christmas gifts. During the feeding program the children go swimming at the lagoon, eat lunch and then hear the bible and then answer questions for prizes.

I see Jesus in my everyday life here so much I am not ever really surprised by it I just smile and my heart gets the most amazing feeling. During the feeding program I was keeping an eye on the kids in the water and the toddler on the blanket in the shade behind me. At one point I turn around and there is a boy about 12 and his little brother about 3 sitting with the toddler. The 3 year old was holding his cup for the toddler to drink and the older boy was holding him on his lap and reading the bible to them. That moment made the cleaning up the poop, scabies and not sleeping thru the night all disappear-my heart was smiling so big for that moment I couldn't think about anything else.

So I might not have the patience of a single mother or the grace of one either but I have been blessed in so many ways during this time getting to serve a single mother.

I wasn't raised by Mama Tara...

I wasn't raised by Mama Tara and laid upon her breast like her children who were born to her...
I wasn't raised by a child of Mama Tara who was brought over for visits and made fond memories with...
I wasn't raised by Mama Tara because she saved me from a Mama who couldn't feed me, didn't want me or because my Mama died...

But I was able to witness who was- how wonderful, amazing and a blessing it was to be raised by Mama Tara.
She helped freely, she loved openly and she taught what it looks like to walk in Jesus' footsteps everyday.
I wasn't raised by Mama Tara or built many memories with her.

But I was welcomed by her with open arms, I was shown her golden heart as she sat outside with her children. I was inspired to follow in Jesus' footsteps as she did everyday. I pray I continue to grow into a woman like Mama Tara. To help without a second thought, to share my faith carefree and to love as Jesus loved.

I wasn't raised by Mama Tara but in the few months I knew her I never saw her without her bible. The children never ate a meal without praying first. Everyone of her children have a bible, they go to church every Sunday and they are read to every night from the bible. Mama Tara was the kind of Christian we dream of being, the kind of Christian I learn so much from just by being in her presents and listening to her talk about how God has done so much for her, her home and for her children. I am thankful I got a chance to meet and spend some time with such an amazing Christian woman.

Almost 2 weeks ago..

Today was the day after Mama Tara died- Laura, Arlee and I went to Mama Tara's to see if there was anything we could do and to spend time with the children. During the morning we spend time with the children and meeting Mama Tara's family, then we started helping prepare the meal. They kill a cow for lunch and have rice and yuka-so Laura did the meat preparing and I picked through rice. Laura came over when she was done and said I am coming back for the night to stay up all night with them. Earlier I was asked by a 16 year old, China if I was staying all night and I said I didn't think so but since Laura was so was I. When the food was done they made all the plates and I started pouring the drinks with Arlee and soon everyone was served and it was our turn to be served. I was nervous but didn't want to be rude so I ate lunch there and everyone who was serving sat down for the first time all day. It was getting late so we got in the car and came back to town and rested, ate dinner and packed a bag. I packed my bible, toilet paper, pepper spray, bug spray, snacks, water and my ipod. Laura and I hop in the car and off we went, we pull up and there's people everywhere. Laura sat with Linda and this other lady from the States so I put my bag with hers. And I went off to find China and some other teenagers-we listened to music, watched movies and they cried...I hugged. They made coffee and it smelled so good but looked so nasty. I love how everything is cooked over the fire pit, I love watching them do all the cooking stuff and being in the outside kitchen. Another cow was killed for the meal at midnight. The women were cooking rice again with yuka-I don't care for yuka. The workers started digging the hole in the yard, the preachers started to preach and the women started to cry out again. So I did what I do best hold a child, scratch a back and just watch. Trevor a 9 year old boy was on my lap, China was on one side of me and Wonky Tonky was on the other- at the main service which was at 9:30. Trevor looked up at me and said Mama Tara solomente dormendo(sorry I can barely say it so I know my spelling is off but I understand it) I started to explain to him that she wasn't only sleeping and when I looked down he was asleep. Then China was passed out and then Wonky Tonky. I was sitting on a counter top with my feet up on the arm of a pew and China on my legs and Wonky on my thigh it was so uncomfortable but I loved every minute of it. Mama Tara loved to watch the kids pile on me so I thought since she was in the room with us I'd make her heart smile again. I still had not gone up to the casket and I decided not to. Anyway finally midnight rolled around and we ate, the men kept digging and the preachers and women continued but her family who had been up the night before started to go to sleep. But they knew that Laura, Linda and me were not going to sleep... that's the thing with the staying up all night to stay with the body until they are buried. I went and watched the guys dig for a while and China came with me after she woke up and ate. The guys were doing shots of Platinum and smoking when it wasn't their turn to dig. China and I started talking-we talked about smoking, drinking and guys. Talked about babies and why I don't have one and why I am so old, she asked about Charlie if he was really mine because he pus his face in my chest like I am his mother she says. I said babies love to be close that's all, I had almost forgotten she met him and her question caught me off guard. We got bored so we came in and started to watch a movie but then I got bored and went and checked on Laura. She was sitting alone in the sala listening to the preacher and the singing. So I sat with her with my ipod on and she rested on my shoulder for a bit and then the sun came up. We made it through the night with Mama Tara. Laura and I hop in the car and we came home, I tried resting but couldn't and then we had to get back up for the funeral. I guess it's one of those situations you have to be there to understand but it just hit my heart so hard how much these children loved Mama Tara. Her kids, the kids she took in and the people she helped over the years. I pray one day I can be more like her and help so freely, love so openly and be carefree when I get old because I'll have loved ones around me.

At the Catholic church the service was nice and I felt comfortable in the church but I still don't know what's going on :( after the service we got in Laura's car and followed the parade of cars to Mama Tara's. Then the crying started again, her daughter Impara started- her love for her mom just made me cry. Then Impara's 12 years old daughter started crying out grandmother in Spanish and asking God why and it was heart breaking. Then after a couple hours of cooking in my pants in the sun they put her in the ground and Impara threw her body towards the casket and her husband and son had to catch her. Then it started to hit all the grandkids and the Mama Tara children that she was really gone and they all started to cry. It was horrible, Trevor came running into my arms because he realized she wasn't sleeping. They were all crying and I couldn't hold them all so I had as many as my body could touch. We stood there and cried as they poured cement over the wood and tarp they had put over her casket. I didn't know her long enough to cry for her being missed in my heart, I cried because the children lost their Mama and they were heart broken.

Learning life lessons everyday...

The last time I wrote I wrote about pure joy and how happy I was to be back here and be with my kids and to start a new preschool. The last few weeks have been everything but pure joy-tiring, long, hard, sad and a learning experience. I have learned to not get too comfortable, to not depend on worldly objects and I am still working on forgiveness. I say that my days are tiring, long and hard but it's a good feeling that comes with those feelings. A feeling of accomplishment, a feeling of one step closer to a day where all the children listen and a feeling of I will get a good night of sleep because I am so tired.

A couple Fridays ago I was robbed while I was asleep and they took what I thought was my most valuable things I had but I was wrong. I was left untouched-I still can hold and hug children, still pray and give thanks to God and can still walk, talk and smile. When I woke up and realized I had been robbed and they even took the phone off my pillow I was so upset so mad and wanted all my stuff back. Finally the next day I realized I woke up again, I was protected and I am thankful for that.

So school continued at Mama Tara's, visits to House of Hope still happened and great times at Morgan's feeding program were going on. And I was starting to feel better but still wanting my computer back nothing else just my computer. Then today on the way to the feeding program with Morgan a taxi driver stopped us and said there a guy riding around in my friends taxi. He said he's bring him buy my apt. in a bit so Morgan went on to the feeding program and I went home. It wasn't my computer it was the same everything just much smaller. When everyone left and it was just me I realized I was super sad but not that it wasn't my computer but that I was missing the feeding program with Morgan and the kids. I am learning it's not the amount of stuff I have that should make me happy its the amount of God's love that I share that should make me happy.

The feeling of pure joy :)

You know that feeling you get the first time you see Shamu jump up out of the water in the beginning of the show? Your heart is pounding with excitement, your face is lite with a smile that can be seen for rows. There wasn't a worry that could touch your mind because you are in that moment...a moment of pure joy. That's how it felt when I got back to Puerto Lempira. Of course that feeling came after the feeling of am I going to be sick? The landing is so rough in the small plane on a landing strip made of baseball field clay. The feeling of pure joy comes when you see the children and they greet you with big smiles. Lots of hugs and then the fight starts over who is going to hold your hand. It's the best feeling a person can feel- the feeling that you were missed, that you are remembered by name. Don't get me wrong, I had the most amazing time in the States with my family and friends. I miss them terribly but seeing my children again makes it a little more bearable.

The walk from my apartment to Mama Tara's House is a journey and when it rains it becomes a muddy journey. Also let me throw in there we are in rainy season, to be honest I think we are always in rainy season. But as soon as I heard my name being yelled and saw children with the most beautiful brown faces running towards me. I quickly forgot about the mud all over my favorite new orange shorts. Even though they were covered in sores, scabs and spots they were still happy, smiling and willing to love on me. So for 30 minutes that's just what we did. We hugged, kissed and hola must have been said a thousand times. But my favorite part was rubbing the bald heads of the little boys. After all the excitement I got a better look at the the spots and realized it was chicken pox. Before I left chicken pox was going through House of Hope and now it had made its way to Mama Tara's House. The children in House of Hope have a nurse and get creams from the States when they get stuff like this but not Mama Tara's children. They are the toughest bunch of children I've ever seen. But now that they have Linda a woman from the States living with them, creams will be introduced to the home. They have been using sugar water, plants and other home made remedies for illness and some work but most don't. All I have to say is these children are a lot braver than I am.

One of my favorite reunions was with the little boy you all fell in love with through my pictures and blogs-Charlie. I thought everyone would be interested in hearing how he is doing. While I was gone Charlie started to walk. I was very sad to miss it but so glad he started, it was well over due. After all the greetings and hugs at House of Hope with all the older children. Mia and Italy won the fight in holding my hands and they took me into the sala straight to Charlie. Charlie looked at me and turned around and walked away and in that moment my heart dropped. All I could say was Charlito, he stopped and turned with that big smile on his face and ran towards me. It was not really a run but more like a unstable fast walk. I picked him up and he went straight into my neck with his face like a day hadn't even past. He had a tight grip around my neck, he pulled his face back and looked at me and laughed that giggle that could change bad moods in seconds. He stayed there for the rest of the afternoon, it's amazing what one can accomplish with a small child attached to them. But then dinner time came and I had to put him at the table. And the loud scream of a Charlie tantrum came quick and stayed for a while. But Charlie isn't sick anymore, he isn't malnourished so he follows the schedule just like all the other children. I walked away with him screaming at the table and arms reaching for me. I've always been on the other side of that situation except with my littlest God brother Jack. Dropping him at the YMCA child development center a few times when he didn't want to go. It broke my heart to leave Jack then and it breaks my heart to leave Charlie now, but it has to be done. And even though I know it has to be done, I am just like any other caregiver who loves that child so I did a "creep by". I crept by Child Development to check on Jack then and I crept by the sala before I left House of Hope to check on Charlie . Of course they are fine, they always are but I still found myself having to think the same words I would tell the parents who would leave their child with me. It's harder on your heart than theirs...

Just in case you missed me at the Dean's hour at the Cathedral

 I am not someone who can perform a surgery to fix a cleft palate, I am not professionally trained to help anyone work through their past trauma or someone who has been ordained in the church. But I am a caregiver, I am a strong believer and I do have two capable hands...

For the past 5 months I have been using my hands to guide children towards Christ, to dig trenches to build a classroom and last but not least I use my hands to show love to these children who don't feel it enough. Children who have been abandoned, taken away or have no one to take care of them. I have prayed with and for these children every night I tucked them in. Before lunch everyday we have a devotion and they learn a bible verse to encourage them in their faith. But mainly I show Christ love through being a servant...digging trenches can be mighty humbling :) I know we have all heard this line once or twice in our lives but never have I felt this line to be so true-while I am doing all this in Honduras I am the one being served, being lifted and changed. I have learned a new saying while living in Puerta Lempira-Do what is asked of you and do it with a happy heart for Jesus. I have also learned a mothers love can not be replaced, faked or taught. I am not a mother but I have much love to give. Everyday I give hugs, kisses, snuggles and in return I get lice lol I give words of encouragement, lessons in how to behave and I say a lot of I love you's. I cheer at soccer games, I take children swimming on Sunday's after church and I make sure chores are and homework are done or there are consequence. I do lice treatments, put on Band-Aids and change diapers...I am not a mother but I am a servant.

You may ask yourself why do I even bother, how do I know any of this will change these children? Because I know a fantastic Christian and responsible dentist that grew up in a home where mission groups go and give love and guide little hands towards Jesus. And even if it's just one child who comes out of these homes a strong believer because of the love and guidance that I have shown then then that's enough because I made a difference for the glory of God. So I may not be a doctor, a counselor or a cannon but I am a missionary.

What I have been up to for the past couple of months...

A month ago I was laying in bed with a parasite in my stomach, a tired feeling I couldn't shake and no appetite. I went and had a blood test and some other test at the hospital but nothing was found. Then someone said they can only test for a few different parasites and there are many. I couldn't make it to the store to buy water let alone to the Home to see my children. After losing 30 pounds in less then a month and being so dehydrated my head felt like it was going to explode I knew it was time to get some better health care. So I took a plan to the city. I came to San Pedro Sula to a bigger hospital, where they could run more test and the doctors seem to know a little bit more. After many test, a tube going down my throat and a X-ray we found out it was a parasite but I had taken already a few medicine's for them. The doctor wanted me to take one more, of course I get one of the bad side effects and cant feel my feet and my hands were numb for 2 weeks. I am drinking plenty of water now but my headache still was strong and painful. So I got a second opinion, this doctor said all that your stomach has endured you have wiped out all the good bacteria so he gave me another script. This time I felt well for a whole week and a half so I went a woman retreat for missionaries in Honduras and I was having an amazing time until one afternoon the pain was back. So back to bed I go...no dinner and then no breakfast, lunch or dinner again. It just so happens a doctor from the States is at this retreat so I meet her and tell her whats going on and she asks me questions. She calls in a pill and a powder-I take the pill and with in 2 hours I was fine, I was me...loud, dancing and making people happy. I was getting pills for a parasite that had been long gone but had left a infection so I needed something for the infection. My stomach is sensitive and always will be but I am me again and it feels great!! I've been going to many different orphanages in a few different cities around San Pedro. I still cant believe there are so many children with no parents every new home we go to. I don't think I will ever get use to it...it breaks my heart every time we pull up to a new home and new beautiful smile run out to hug me.

I do miss Puerta Lempira everyday-I miss my friends, my children and I miss the feel of I can walk anywhere I need to go. I am looking forward to getting back there in Jan. but don't get me wrong I am defiantly looking forward to coming back to the States. Brushing my teeth with sink water, flushing toilet paper and loving on friends and family that I have missed so much.

I am sorry this has taken so long to get out to y'all, I thank you all for your prayers and I cant wait to see everyone in 2 weeks!!!

Saying goodbye to Charlie everyday...

I've been here 3 months and I can't believe how fast the time is going by...I look different, act different and think differently but I still feel like me. I look healthier, I act like a person who has a good head on their shoulders and I think like a mother constantly but I am still me. I still am loud and command an audience, I still smile with my whole face which will make you smile too and I still love with all that I am even though it's harder these days because my heart is breaking a little everyday but at the same time I am different.

Charlie and Mia's mom is living in House of Hope and has a baby in her belly, she is trying to clean up her life. She has given up drugs, men and alcohol, she has endured a brick being slammed on her leg until it was broken and then hot wax poured on her until her skin was scared. While at House of Hope she is to take care of her children, clean her room and show some manners to the workers who had taken care of her children. She can do none of these things and it is so sad to see a woman, a mother act like this. I stayed around her as much as I could because I wanted to see the kids and they want to see me but it was a little uncomfortable to have Charlie call mama out to me while with her. I've been putting a day or two between the times I see him but it did no good it just made me miss the other children. So I went to House of Hope and didn't see him on purpose a few days and now Mia finds me and the mother has someone bring Charlie to me. Sometimes I don't know if I am hurting or helping him but I know for a fact I am hurting myself. It hurts me knowing he doesn't go outside everyday, it hurts me knowing she has lost track of his toys and he has none now and it hurts me the most to have to say goodbye to Charlie crying every time and walk home crying too.

How much pain can one's heart take? How many tears can someone really cry on a regular basis? Maybe I am praying wrong, maybe I deserve all this because I haven't made great decision either but maybe God has a lesson for me and I just need some prayer to hold on just a little bit longer...

How do you NOT see God here?

So after I posted my last blog a friend of mine said that lady just didn't want her floor to have mud on it. It sounds like that place is in need of help- I just see and hear the need for God....how do you see God there?

I see God when I see my children playing nice and safe outside on the playground and not in their homes starving, being abused in every way possible and lonely. I give thanks when I hear their laughter and their screaming and running away while I chase them. Because God has rescued them from crying and screaming and no one coming to get them out or a crib.

I feel God when my friends tell me when they were at the lagoon we like to take the young children to swim, a group of guys in a nice boat shot many shots up in the air and not at them. Here it's a real thought you could be shot at because there are drug dealers and real "bad guys". I feel blessed that when I hear gunshots at night they sound far away and not at our fence.

I hear God when I gather every week with a group of woman for bible study and we go around the group saying our blessings and our prayers. I hear God when we talk about our ministries and we pray for each other to be successful in them.

I taste God when I have cool, clean water to drink-you might think that sounds silly but the kids at Mama Tara's house love to feel the condensation on my water bottle because they don't have cold water to drink. It's a treat to get to drink out of my water bottle because it's clean and cold. I see the kids on the streets and on their front porches when I am walking home for lunch from Mama Tara's and I feel guilty every time because I know they don't have enough food, that hunger is a constant feeling they have.

And last but not least I believe in God and he is in my heart so even if I didn't see, feel or hear him I would still have faith and he would be inside me and that would be enough. I hug, kiss, hold and love on children every day and that is God's love coming through me.

I've been going to Mama Tara's a while now and have seen how things are and that floor gets dirty so I am pretty sure it was more than Ava just minding her floor being muddy. So the question I think should be how do you NOT see God here?

Coming to serve and being served...

Summertime is officially over here, which means no more groups, teenage summer volunteers or good food...just 3 women left all with a different calling from the Lord but adding up to make a great team. I will miss the lobster, chicken fried rice and shrimp but I like the calmness that a routine has to offer-the word calm sounds strange coming out of my mouth. I think something I am learning here is that there is a time to be super energized, a time to be on alert and a time to be calm.

Last night when I had to sleep in the Sala which is the middle room between the boys and girls hallways I couldn't be calm no matter how hard I tried!!! The roof is tin and it rained, there were rats, cats, roaches and mosquito's of both kinds (the children and insect) everywhere. So I didn't sleep a wink but I got a nice long nap this morning. It's really hard to have a home for children with teens of both sex and they all have been abused or seen abuse.

On to a happier note-Charlito and Mia!!! Charlie of course was one of the noise makers in the middle of last night but then settled as soon as he was laying in bed with me. Watching him sleep might be the one thing that makes everything better about sleeping over there a couple nights. Anyway Charlito is doing well but still has diaper issues, we hopefully got all the worms this time. He is so close to walking and saying more words than Mama, I can hardly wait!!! Mia still has extended belly from her worms but the pills should be working on that in the next day or two. She gets happier with everyday that passes but still wakes crying, all I can do is hold her until she stops nothing else will soothe her. Hopefully the diaper and waking up crying troubles will start to fade and we will have completely happy babies!!!

Mama Tara is still in the hospital on the other side of the jungle she is stable but still not a 100 percent so please continue to pray for her and God's plan for her Children in the home. Speaking of those children, they are doing well but as to be expected there are a few children who are pushing the line and if you know me well you know those are my favorite kind of child!!! So I am teaching them UNO and they love it!!! It's great because we are all working on our Spanish colors and numbers over there-they are a Mosquito ran home. I have been going over there everyday this last week and I have to travel thru mud to get there. When I get there I try my best to clean my shoes off but I always end of making tracks. Yesterday Aba (a house helper) was mopping and I totally messed up her floor so I took the mop from her to clean up my mess and she went to the well and got a pale of water and came and washed my feet and my flip flops for me. I have always seen God and experienced God mainly in children but this woman who is in her late 30's showed me God and made my heart shine and I know it sounds silly for someone who hasn't come here but for a Mosquito to clean a white person's feet who is not paying them is a big deal it's bigger than a big deal it's God in work. I am always surprised when I got to serve, I am the one is gets served and blessed. I pray that I am blessing them at least half of what they are doing for me.

My life these days...

The last 4 days the internet has been out and I realized just how much I depend on it to not feel totally in the middle of nowhere. How much I depend on it to get word to my loved ones that I am ok, and of course get pictures of my Charlito on Facebook!!

So much has happened the last few days I dont know where to start...lets start with my favorite topic right now-Charlie!!

Charlito had worms so that is what was causing the extended belly and the bad diapers but he chewed a pill and hopefully the pill will fix that soon! He is so happy now as you can see from the pictures, I am trying to get him on a schedule which is kind of a joke here since I can't even keep a schedule and if you know me then you know how hard it is for me to have last minute changes. We went and took Charlie to see his mom and of course she was a mess, we even took one of his sisters back with us-Mia. She has such pain and anger in her eyes but I finally got her to smile and that moment was straight from heaven!!! Mia is 4 and looks about 2 and her 4 top teeth have rotted off. She will be loved, fed and changed just like my Charlito was. Charlie is eating solid food with his 2 bottom teeth only. He still loves his bottle and doesnt care for the sippy cup. Charlito loves his sock monkey, his hot wheel cars and mostly being read to at bedtime. Speaking bedtime he loves going to bed but staying asleep is a different story...pray for me please.

The worksite-well no more trench digging!!! Now shoveling rock,cement and sand-mix it with water you get your foundation. I havent been going to work there every morning much between Charlito waking up in the night for a bottle and a change and the rainy season starting it's a little hard to get much done.

Mama Tara's is going well with the tutoring, the kids are a bit more guarded then the House of Hope kids but I like a challenge. Also please pray for Mama Tara she is having some health issues-pray we can get a doctor out there or get her to the hospital...she is a real mosquito woman so going to the doctor is unheard of.

Ok now Me-I am doing well, I feel blessed everyday by a hug, a smile or a hand hold. My stomach is still adjusting to the food but it's nothing I cant handle, I have a little bump on my leg that doesnt seem to want to heal but you know what?? I am looking tan, we have pasta twice a week and I always have a child to love on so I am a happy missionary!!!

Charlie slept thru the night!!

Around 7:30 I give Charlie a bottle and lay him down next to me and I should be trying to sleep as well but I cant so I look at him, rub his tummy and trace his eyebrows. Charlie has really bad diarrhea right now and even worse diaper rash. I stay on top of it when I have him but when I give him to the nanny's while I am digging, with the older kids or at Mama Tara's I know he is not being change regularly. I know I am not here to judge, I know I am in a 3 rd world country but it makes me so upset!!! Anyway so normally I'd be up 5 times during the night to change him and also give him a bottle 2 of those times because he is still small. But...not last night!!! He slept thru the night and only had diarrhea once. Yay!!

Today Charlie was strong enough to pull himself up which is supper exciting because it means he should walk any day now which will make life so much easier. Charlie was so under weight he didn't have any teeth but as soon as the nutrients started going in him out popped 2 teeth on the bottom so he ate carrots, rice and bread fruit for the first time. I started him on Soy milk and it seems to be helping and of course I give him plenty of liquids so he isn't dehydrating. Today he laughed for the first time and I almost cried because he's just been so serious. He got new dinosaur toys from the group that just left and he loves them!!

Anyway I start going back to the school site tomorrow morning now that Charlie is going to let me get some sleep. I am super excited about it too because I love working with my hands and talking with my new friend William he is learning English and I am learning Spanish so we are a perfect pair to hangout lol William is a hard worker and he likes to show me how to do stuff because I am a woman and couldn't possible know but it's sweet so I smile and say thank you.

Today at Mama Tara's someone did my eyebrows-I swear Mosquito woman are stronger then the men!! This woman was not playing around it brought tears to my eyes and I love to get my eyebrows waxed.

It's Thursday and most of you know I play darts on Thursday and I have missed it badly...the gringo's play scrabble on Thursdays but tonight we are not so I am really sad no darts no scrabble. At least I have Charlie who is getting hungry so I have to go.

It's totally crazy how early the sun comes up here!! 5am bam it's in your face!!! The power goes off for the night around midnight and comes back on around 8am so its so hot when the sun comes up, I have to get up and open the door because the windows alone are not bringing enough air in my little hot box room. Between the heat, roosters and children playing outside and calling out to anyone who will pay them attention-I am not going back to sleep.

I go down stairs and there's breakfast which has been not bad but it's not Denny's either...
I go get on my sunscreen, bug spray and hat, fill up my water bottle and play on email and FB until my ride comes. I have been helping with building a school, well actually I've been digging trenches 18 inches deep, 14 inches wide and 36 feet long for the foundation. We just found out we need to go down and out 4 more inches!!! We have dug in the sun, the rain and in sunny rain shower- that is my favorite. My back, legs and arms hurt but I love it!!! I love the sweating, the burn and mostly the saticfaction of getting something down in just a few hours. Its so hot here thats all you can do is a few hours in the morning of work.

We come back to the house for lunch-always rice, beans and some kind of meat. I have a new appreciation for water and by the time I come back in Dec. I just might hate it!!! I shower and its cold water alone here but it feels good!! After lunch here you take a rest but if you know me you know I have a hard time resting but not here!!! Between going to bed late and waking up early and digging, I sometimes look forward to my hour and 30 min nap before I go to Mama Tara's house. It's amazing to me the difference between the kids that live in Mama Tara's house and the one that live in House of Hope. Mama Tara raises her children the true Mosquito way and of course H of H is American ran so it uses stoves, it's more developed and it's cleaner but children are the same anywhere you go-hungry...hungry for your love, your attention and your smile. And so thats what I do here- I love, hug, high five and look them in the eyes and smile for as long as I can before the sun starts to go. Then I go- I have to remember I am still an American and this is still a 3rd world country...well "rest time" is over and I have children waiting to be loved on!!!

        My adventure started at 4:30 am getting ready to go the bus station, got to the bus station and it wasnt bad at all I had a waiting room with air and a tv. Got on the bus and off we went speeding down the road. It was a awesome bus ride-air, comfortable seat and a tv...then I had to go to the restroom and it got not so awesome. The bathroom was pretty much a hole in the bottom of the bus and the door gets stuck sometimes but at least there was a door. Three hours fly by and I am in Ceiba waiting for my ride to take me to the small airport here. He gets there in 30 mins and he says I have to take you to my house and I hope to be back in time to take you but if not someone will. Well I was not ready to miss my flight so he left and I caught a taxi. The airport is small but not too bad, I had a Honduran brown paper bag lunch so I was pretty hungry. A few hours went by and it was time to fly in my 19 passenger plane!! It felt just like a roller coaster...it was fun, scary and makes you pray everytime you feel your stomach jump.
        Well this airport is a dirt road with a shack where you pick up your bags and of course one of my bags didnt come on with me. I hop in the rino with Laura and her kids and they take me to House of Hope to drop my stuff. I like the compound and its full of kids playing so it's a perfect place for me!!! But my room is a different story...it's small and not room for my stuff and I share with a girl from the states and a little boy she has taken in as her own and he has CP. I soon find out my roommate has lice after she invites me to sit on her bed for a minute!!! She says everyone gets it and has it until they leave, I said not me and stood up-real fast!!
         We left for Mama Tara's house and the rino ride was another roller coast and I am so glad I started doing roller coasters again at Seaworld so I was prepared but no seatbelt this time...
Mama Tara's house is a very Mosqito ran childrens home so it has no power or clean water and it was nothing I have ever seen. It's one of those moments you thank God for everything he has blessed you with and everything he has protected you from beacuse you are from the states. The one thing I love about these homes is the busy part, I wont be bored!! The thing that worries me is everyone even the volunteers have lice and in the states its like the plague and here its like something you just live with.
         I've now have had more beans and tortillas in the last week than I've had my whole life!! So have pasta and Honduras sause for lunch I was supper excited!!! I start helping build a school house tomorrow and start a schedule of spending time at Mama Tara's so please pray my first real day of Honduran hard work goes well.