The feeling of pure joy :)

You know that feeling you get the first time you see Shamu jump up out of the water in the beginning of the show? Your heart is pounding with excitement, your face is lite with a smile that can be seen for rows. There wasn't a worry that could touch your mind because you are in that moment...a moment of pure joy. That's how it felt when I got back to Puerto Lempira. Of course that feeling came after the feeling of am I going to be sick? The landing is so rough in the small plane on a landing strip made of baseball field clay. The feeling of pure joy comes when you see the children and they greet you with big smiles. Lots of hugs and then the fight starts over who is going to hold your hand. It's the best feeling a person can feel- the feeling that you were missed, that you are remembered by name. Don't get me wrong, I had the most amazing time in the States with my family and friends. I miss them terribly but seeing my children again makes it a little more bearable.

The walk from my apartment to Mama Tara's House is a journey and when it rains it becomes a muddy journey. Also let me throw in there we are in rainy season, to be honest I think we are always in rainy season. But as soon as I heard my name being yelled and saw children with the most beautiful brown faces running towards me. I quickly forgot about the mud all over my favorite new orange shorts. Even though they were covered in sores, scabs and spots they were still happy, smiling and willing to love on me. So for 30 minutes that's just what we did. We hugged, kissed and hola must have been said a thousand times. But my favorite part was rubbing the bald heads of the little boys. After all the excitement I got a better look at the the spots and realized it was chicken pox. Before I left chicken pox was going through House of Hope and now it had made its way to Mama Tara's House. The children in House of Hope have a nurse and get creams from the States when they get stuff like this but not Mama Tara's children. They are the toughest bunch of children I've ever seen. But now that they have Linda a woman from the States living with them, creams will be introduced to the home. They have been using sugar water, plants and other home made remedies for illness and some work but most don't. All I have to say is these children are a lot braver than I am.

One of my favorite reunions was with the little boy you all fell in love with through my pictures and blogs-Charlie. I thought everyone would be interested in hearing how he is doing. While I was gone Charlie started to walk. I was very sad to miss it but so glad he started, it was well over due. After all the greetings and hugs at House of Hope with all the older children. Mia and Italy won the fight in holding my hands and they took me into the sala straight to Charlie. Charlie looked at me and turned around and walked away and in that moment my heart dropped. All I could say was Charlito, he stopped and turned with that big smile on his face and ran towards me. It was not really a run but more like a unstable fast walk. I picked him up and he went straight into my neck with his face like a day hadn't even past. He had a tight grip around my neck, he pulled his face back and looked at me and laughed that giggle that could change bad moods in seconds. He stayed there for the rest of the afternoon, it's amazing what one can accomplish with a small child attached to them. But then dinner time came and I had to put him at the table. And the loud scream of a Charlie tantrum came quick and stayed for a while. But Charlie isn't sick anymore, he isn't malnourished so he follows the schedule just like all the other children. I walked away with him screaming at the table and arms reaching for me. I've always been on the other side of that situation except with my littlest God brother Jack. Dropping him at the YMCA child development center a few times when he didn't want to go. It broke my heart to leave Jack then and it breaks my heart to leave Charlie now, but it has to be done. And even though I know it has to be done, I am just like any other caregiver who loves that child so I did a "creep by". I crept by Child Development to check on Jack then and I crept by the sala before I left House of Hope to check on Charlie . Of course they are fine, they always are but I still found myself having to think the same words I would tell the parents who would leave their child with me. It's harder on your heart than theirs...

Just in case you missed me at the Dean's hour at the Cathedral

 I am not someone who can perform a surgery to fix a cleft palate, I am not professionally trained to help anyone work through their past trauma or someone who has been ordained in the church. But I am a caregiver, I am a strong believer and I do have two capable hands...

For the past 5 months I have been using my hands to guide children towards Christ, to dig trenches to build a classroom and last but not least I use my hands to show love to these children who don't feel it enough. Children who have been abandoned, taken away or have no one to take care of them. I have prayed with and for these children every night I tucked them in. Before lunch everyday we have a devotion and they learn a bible verse to encourage them in their faith. But mainly I show Christ love through being a servant...digging trenches can be mighty humbling :) I know we have all heard this line once or twice in our lives but never have I felt this line to be so true-while I am doing all this in Honduras I am the one being served, being lifted and changed. I have learned a new saying while living in Puerta Lempira-Do what is asked of you and do it with a happy heart for Jesus. I have also learned a mothers love can not be replaced, faked or taught. I am not a mother but I have much love to give. Everyday I give hugs, kisses, snuggles and in return I get lice lol I give words of encouragement, lessons in how to behave and I say a lot of I love you's. I cheer at soccer games, I take children swimming on Sunday's after church and I make sure chores are and homework are done or there are consequence. I do lice treatments, put on Band-Aids and change diapers...I am not a mother but I am a servant.

You may ask yourself why do I even bother, how do I know any of this will change these children? Because I know a fantastic Christian and responsible dentist that grew up in a home where mission groups go and give love and guide little hands towards Jesus. And even if it's just one child who comes out of these homes a strong believer because of the love and guidance that I have shown then then that's enough because I made a difference for the glory of God. So I may not be a doctor, a counselor or a cannon but I am a missionary.